This is something I’ve known for a long time but simply have not had the guts to say out loud.
I am overweight.
I feel like it is hard to be an overweight girl, but I feel like there is more pressure to be an overweight Asian-American girl. Not only are we supposed to be good at math and piano, but we should all strive to be the perfect size 00
(based on my experience with others, size zero is fine and dandy but size 00 is perfection…and if you are too thin to donate blood than well, pat yourself on the back sister). I wrote that and realized that was written with a lot of snark.*
I am snarky because deep down inside it really hurts when people tell me things such as: “Your friend looks Spanish senorita because she is small, but you look like a big happy Hawaiian,” or “You look like a Samoan girl,” or “Yeah you were a lot skinnier in college, what happened?”. You would think that all of these things were said by Regina George and her army of skanks but unfortunately these were all said by people who are close to me.
As three tears roll down my cheek as I write this (Think the sad Native American chief commercial), I find it hurtful to think that when my friends think of me all they can see is:
Also on another note, when did Samoans get such a bad rap sheet? Last year Manti Te’o story should prove that Samoan girls (even made up girlfriends) are actually very beautiful. The girl posted above is also very beautiful, she was actually a silent screen actress and model. I do not want other people’s expectations about beauty to make me feel bad about myself. I just want to be happy, healthy and feel good about myself.
But back to the original story, I’ve been denying it and denying it but I’m still not happy. So I have decided to take the first step to weight loss which is admitting to myself that something needs to change.
There are two ultra positive people in my life that I would like to thank for helping me realize this. One, my husband Robert who loves me whether I am fat, skinny, angry, sad, happy, have hair or no hair (let’s not forget my cancer diagnosis from almost ten years ago). When I met him, he was a Division I athlete who ran several miles a day. He got stuck into the endless cycle of mindless eating, and dying in front of a computer, in a florescent lit office building. Last year he realized he did not want to live this way anymore and has went on to lose over sixty pounds. We were both schlubs (I just continued the lifestyle) so knowing that he can do it and has my back makes me feel more confident in what I can do.
Two is my coworker and twinsie Gretchen, whose recent blog post admission makes it easier for me to admit the same things to myself. Together with several of our co-workers we are trying to get fit, healthy and happy together.
I lost quite a bit of weight (well I think I did, based on the way my clothes fit) when I started eating clean over a year ago and blogged about it on a weekly basis (It helps hold me accountable) so look for a bunch of blog posts soon.
Here’s to new beginnings!